Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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