My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
