maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Randomize
