If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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