I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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