How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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