On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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