you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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