So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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