Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
