I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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