I feel like abortions should bother me more
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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