You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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