they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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