whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize