The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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