well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
