I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
