See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
