Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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