So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
