i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
