I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
