Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You made out with two different species that night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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