dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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