remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
