I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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