Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
