My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
