She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize