she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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