i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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