So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
