it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
