I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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