dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
