he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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