Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
