i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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