i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Randomize
