Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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