What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
