Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
