mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
