shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize