Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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