dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize