it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
