dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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