me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize