We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
