My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
