Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
