I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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