The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
