Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
