apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
