Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
