Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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