Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize