im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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