okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
