I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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