They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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