we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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