i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
