Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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