His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize