it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
