all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
