Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had to cum in my sink.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
