you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
