her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
