I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
