My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
