I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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