I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
