Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
