Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
