Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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