I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
